What to eat when you're too heartbroken to eat?
You know that stomach turning ache of a feeling, when you keep imagining them, miles away, drunk off sex and freedom? And you can't even keep a bagel down? When you're so thirsty but water tastes like baking powder and the only sodium you're lucky enough to absorb are the leftover tears stained on your pillowcase?
Heartbreaks are the hungriest I've ever been.
Fortunately I haven't been devastatingly heartbroken in a while, and I'm talking doors locked-phone muted-off the grid-coffee table covered in Chinese food take out kind of heartbroken. Most of the time my heartbreaks felt pretty angsty, probably due to the blatant reason that I was an angsty teenager, but they never were. So there was always a heavy pressure to upkeep a certain maturity and charismatic attitude towards being rejected. But behind closed doors I was surrounded by the stereotypical standstill life of a puffy-eyed love sick sap. We all know how hard the simplest thing can be in this mindset, but we all gotsta eat. So, the goal here is minimal effort; maximum satisfaction.
FRIED PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are just as sad as you are. But when you fry them up with lots of butter they transform and grow into a strong, independent, beautiful sandwich. Take note! This sandwich will inspire you!
Okay, this may or may not be an actual meal. But it's a sure way to get some nutrients in your body, even though you can look extra sad eating a popsicle alone on your couch watching the O.C. (Seth Cohen won't judge you, and neither will we).
RAMP UP YOUR RAMEN
I'm sure you've read dozens of articles about fancy ways to upgrade your 39 cent ramen, but it doesn't have to just be a budget friendly option. It takes about 3 minutes to make, and you can toss in any veggies last minute to quickly steam and trick yourself into thinking you got $15 take out from down the street. My personal favorite additions: a soft poached egg, spinach, green onions, fried garlic and some chili paste.
If you have some waffle mix already ready to go in your fridge (which I highly recommend doing, and sticking in an old ketchup bottle), this is one of the easiest meals to throw together. The best part is you can top it with whatever you have on hand. Go sweet with raspberry jam, Nutella, banana, honey or take the salty path and top with some crumbled bacon and a sunny side up egg.
This may not seem like a very exciting option, but fruit may surprise you. The natural sugars will cheer you up and your body will thank you later for the real food you're sneaking into your system.
DRINK SOME TEA, BABY
Okay, you've force fed yourself enough for now. Boil up some water, lemon, fresh ginger, fresh turmeric, a cinnamon stick and honey. Open a window, put your feet up, and breathe easy.